Ahhhhhhh dang it. I’m so annoyed. Why? Because I watched this stupid video and now I feel all emotional and teary-eyed. It’s not like I haven’t heard this song before a bazillion times, but I never watched the video.
But, Michelle, there’s not really anything terribly sad about the video, you might say. Sure, some people are crying in it and the song is pretty sentimental and serious, but what’s there to cry about?
Yup, old people. They are my kryptonite. Nothing will make me want to bawl my eyes out faster than seeing old people happy, and even worse, IN LOVE.
Cute cat videos? Who cares. (actually, I do ^_^ ) Dogs waiting forever for their master to come home and he never does? Yeah, sure, that’s touching. (really, it is)
But OLD PEOPLE…..sigh…….there’s just something about them that touches my heart strings and evokes a rather uncontrollable (and embarrassing!) response. It’s not that these things make me sad; it’s just that they are so sweeeeeeeeeeet – in a genuine way, not a saccharine, artificial, contrived way.
Anyway. That’s not what this post is about. It’s time for the 3rd installment of the Love and Music series! Yay!!!
Love and Music: “Mirrors” by Justin Timberlake
So what’s Justin trying to tell us about love with this song? Consider the main line – not the “You are, you are the love of my life”, that, by AZ Lyrics’ count, is repeated 34 TIMES in the song , lol. The other line:
“It’s like you’re my mirror, my mirror staring back at me”
Admittedly, I had to think about this one for a bit – you might be a little faster at getting what he was saying with this than I was. The idea that the one you love is a reflection of you. But what does that really mean?
I think you can take that two ways. The first is what J.T. was saying:
“Your happiness is my happiness, your pain is my pain.
Your smile is my smile, and your tears, the same.” (I love to rhyme : D )
Loving someone can almost be equated to the strongest sense of empathy you may ever have for another individual. You truly feel their sadness, their happiness, their anger, etc. You also often reflect it. That’s part of the reason why when we argue with someone important to us, the arguments tend to escalate if not well controlled – we are naturally empathizing with their emotional state and reflecting it back to them and onto them. It’s also why, when our loved one is excited beyond imagination, it’s infectious and you end up feeling super jazzed, too.
The obvious interpretation means something such as making our loved ones happy makes us happy, making them sad winds up making us sad, so on and so forth. That’s absolutely true.
There’s one layer deeper to that, though. It’s not just making them happy because we want them to be happy and, in turn, that makes us happy. It’s also the responsibility for our own emotions and emotional responses in a relationship – that is, if our partner’s happiness is our happiness, then our focus should be on making them happy. If our partner’s sadness is our sadness, then we should make sure that we aren’t responsible for it and creating our own misery.
This can sound like a slippery slope, into unhealthy dependency and sacrifice, etc., but it’s not. In the context of a normal, healthy relationship, this is all about personal responsibility for your own happiness in your relationship. Also, in such a relationship, your partner should be doing and reflecting the same things – your happiness/sadness is theirs, intense empathy, and personal responsibility for the role they play in their own happiness in the relationship via yours.
If you’ve read any of my other posts, you already know what I’m about to say next.
***If you or someone you know is in a relationship that is remotely abusive or destructive in any sense – physical, emotional, mental, whatever – none of what I am saying is applicable***
The Second Way
The second way I think you can take this is to consider literally the idea that your mate is a reflection of you. Who you choose to be with is a reflection of how you see yourself and your self-worth. This is not a new idea, by any means. In fact, one of the most common reasons you’ll see anyone – Ph.D. or not – giving for why we date people who treat us terribly or stay in awful relationships is that we don’t value ourselves highly enough and don’t think we are worthy or deserving of better. This isn’t “he’s a jerk, so that must mean I’m a jerk”; it’s “he’s a jerk and I guess that’s the best someone like me can hope for”.
So if your mate treats you with respect, it’s because you know you should be respected. If your mate is an amazing person, it’s because you believe that you deserve to love and be loved by an amazing person.
I’m going to say that again, just because I really want you to know:
You Deserve to Love and Be Loved by an Amazing Person
What do you think of this song? Do you agree with my analysis? Leave me a message!
BTW – I pulled this song by rifling through this article on TimeOut New York’s website: The 50 Best Love Songs Ever Made. I wonder what you think of their list!
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