The Heart vs. The Mind: Finale

In the last post, I spent what could be reasonably called an egregious amount of time talking about Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber, and hugs.


A quick summary of said post:


If you know how to identify your emotional statements/actions/reactions versus your rational ones,

you can analyze how they interact with each other.  If they are in opposition to each other, then switch it up.

  Find the way that makes them complimentary.  Remove limiting information (especially specifics)

and see if there is a new angle from which you can approach the situation. 


I think this passes pretty much any muster.


However, I promised – post script – that I would address what may seem to be a really BIG hole in my argument regarding Selena and her desire for Bieber’s hugs. (incomprehensible, really, but to each their own!)   That argument went something like this:


Selena wants Bieber’s hugs because Bieber’s hugs make her happy.  

However, she can’t have his hugs. 

If Selena removes the limiting factor – Bieber – and realizes a more fundamental truth

(hugs, in general, make her happy), she empowers herself to find happiness a

nd to have harmony between her heart and mind

instead of the prior discord of the heart wanting what the head knows it can’t have.


That, too, feels like darn-near flawless reasoning to me, with one exception.  And I am aware of this exception is because I have thought it a million and one times myself when in the throes of the agony of love lost.





As melodramatic as it sounds, I know I am not the only person who’s ever felt this way.


Now, I realize that as someone who is currently in an extraordinary, wonderful, and profoundly awesome relationship (seriously….seriously *^_^* ), it may be hard to believe me when I say that there is something fundamentally untrue about that bit ‘o melodrama above.


There’s something true about it, too.


The reason that statement can be true and false simultaneously is…


You are never going to be in the same relationship with the same person twice.


You see, each and every one of our relationships are singular and distinct, as are the people we have a relationship with.  No two will ever be the same, nor should they be.  Each successive relationship, until we find ourselves in the one that is fulfilling and epic and all other manner of positive superlative adjectives, should be better than the last; if not better, there should be some sign of growth and understanding from the previous ones.


So, in a sense, Selena is right – No one’s hugs will ever make her feel the way his do.  However, she is failing to see that it is possible to want someone else’s hugs someday.  Those hugs won’t be like Bieber’s (a blessing, I’m sure), but that doesn’t mean they can’t be equally as awesome or even more so.


I think the simplest way to put it, 4 posts later, is:


Wanting something in particular right now,

especially that which you can’t have,

 doesn’t mean you’ll never want something else.


It’s amazing how limited our imagination becomes when it comes to considering the possibilities of our own relationships.  In so many other ways, we understand and accept that anything could happen at any moment, yet we rarely leave ourselves open to the possibility that we can have the love we dream of with another individual.  Telling yourself you’ll never want anything else is little more than a highly inaccurate prediction of your future that makes you miserable.


As always, acceptance is your friend.  Accept that you want something, that you can’t have that something, that you may never have it.  And then, be overjoyed by the fact that, indeed, you will want something else someday and there is a strong possibility that you may get to have it, too.





 Wanting Something



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One thought on “The Heart vs. The Mind: Finale

  • Anonymous

    This reminds me of a certain time having this conversation with a friend having a hard time dealing with the hurt of a break up. I am so happy to say that these words are true that there are endless possibilities of imagining a greater happiness.